Monday, July 4, 2011

Mixed Emotions

Saw red this afternoon.
I just felt my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. I don't know why it's hitting me SO hard. I didn't cry or breakdown. I just felt like "it's not fair". I wanted this. I wanted this more than I knew. I felt a twinge of something this am when I took my final test and saw that BFN. But I still clung to hope. Not over at that point right? Is it even over now? I have had the same pad on from 3pm-1am now. got a streak of blood. So weird.

OK, so I'm not pregnant. I will just have to accept that. Toying with all the "what-ifs" were great fun, but now it's over. . No matter had badly I want one. I know logically I need to wait until timing is better. I am beyond blessed with the two kids I already have.
I know my 3rd baby is waiting for me as much as I am waiting and when the time is appropriate, we will meet.....I just hope that time is sooner rather than later...
Besides all this was simply based on otehr people getting me all riled up into thinking I was, when I knew better. I am not planning any children right now, so unless God has bigger plans for me. I will wait a while until I try myself

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